Music: “Love Songs for Robots” by Patrick Watson

“Get up, you get up, get up!”

This song is very emotional for me.

Every day I try to block my thoughts about how lonely I really feel. I keep pushing myself towards goals that I only set for myself and setting obstacles that only I believe will get me to these goals. It’s tiring. It’s exhilarating. It’s also just a way for me to stall. I’m stalling myself from living fruitfully and honestly.

If I had it my way, I’d be living in a whimsical little town where I’d shop at a farmers market and I’d write about everything that made me happy. I would KNOW what made me happy. I would meet people that shared my views and we would have fulfilling conversations in coffee shops. I would travel to see music artists that made time stop and I’d feel like I was on top of the world. Artists like Patrick Watson.

I wouldn’t live in fear. And not just fear of the unknown or outside forces, but also fear of myself. Guys, I’m honestly afraid to live my life the way that I truly want it to be. And it’s not entirely about failure. It’s not about me not being strong enough to pursue my dreams.  It’s how I go about them. I give myself these little limitations to keep myself in check. I like having some kind of control over myself, which means that I allow others to have control over me as well. That way, I’m not truly free to get myself into situations that may be hard. But honestly, living means that you face all that life has to throw at you and you can’t always come out on top. You have to be unafraid to step out there and soar as high as you can. There may not be a perfect calculation or formula to how you get to achieve your dreams. It may be messy. It may be a little unpredictable.

I put myself in a stronghold to feel some kind of security. I honestly don’t know what it is, but I’m afraid of something. Maybe it’s failure. Maybe it’s loneliness. Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, the point of this is that this song tends to bring out these emotions and these thoughts. My entire life, I’ve felt like I’ve just been so lost. I’ve been moving in circles or moving in misdirections trying to get to some mirage. I’d think that I’ve found my destination, but it’ll move further and further away from me the more steps that I took towards it. I push people away and I stick close to people that are poisonous to my mind and spirit. Sometimes that means family.

I also push people away or keep them at an arm’s length. But I also stick close to people that are poisonous to my mind and spirit. I don’t have a real idea of what love is or what it feels like to be in love. I also don’t know if it’s a necessity of life, but I feel like it should be. I think I’d be ok with looking up and seeing someone from across the room that made everything feel right. That made it all seem beautiful. And I’d equally make them feel the same way. When it comes to that sort of thing, love or romance, I become something of a droid. Thinking that if I say this or if I behave exactly like that – it’ll be correct. It’ll be the way to show exactly how I feel. But no. It’ll just make me look and sound like someone else.

Songs like these are what open my mind to all the beauty in the world. I forget sometimes that the world doesn’t revolve around me and I am a part of something huge. Something that my mind can’t fathom. But while I’m here on earth, I should try to let joy in. I should try to give myself a little breathing room and not bully myself. I should be more open and be more myself. I should just be.

Basically, this song is truly a love song for robots.

‘Til next time.

 

Advertisements

Published by

Ke'ara

Hi! I’m Ke’ara and I love writing about and over-analyzing the tropes and aesthetics of my favorite TV shows, movies, and tunes. I mostly just enjoy watching and listening to them though. Hope you all enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s