Hi everyone! I’m currently re-watching “Mad Men”, a series that I can easily rank in my top five favorite TV series of all time! The show is such a brilliant work of art and I can’t wait to pick my brain on everything that I enjoy about it. Stay tuned!
So, it was confirmed today that there will be a second season of Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why!
I know a lot of us are still getting back to our normal selves after watching the first season. It’s been about a month now, but I still find myself staring off into space thinking about how hard this show hit me. I couldn’t eat or sleep during the couple of days that I spent binging it. I had to pause and step away during some of the episodes, so it took me damn near a week to finally get to the last episode. Honestly, I had to pace myself, because the story lines sent me on a roller-coaster of emotions and I found myself having to catch my breath while watching.
Which brings me to this track – “Bored” – and no, this show was anything but boring. I have so much to say about this show, but I won’t be able to really talk about it just yet. I need to give myself an honest re-watch to pay attention to other things and not solely on the emotional aspects. Listening to Billie Eilish’s “Bored” puts all of my emotions into one song. When it opens, there’s this sigh of relief as if Billie is taking a deep breath and coming up for air after being bottled down with so much emotion.
As I really listen to the song, it reminds me of how “bored” I am with mundane things like gossip, trying to look pretty for certain people when they probably could care less, keeping up with the “cool people”, and just trying to impress people that I honestly do not care about and who honestly do not have any significance in my life. Kind of like the “joys” of high school, huh? But if I’m being candid, these mundane things have followed me beyond high school into my adult life and it’s time to shed them! “What makes you sure you’re all I need?” Seriously, I’m so bored with all the crap that people my age worry and care about when there’s this large world out there that deserves my attention, effort, and breath. “Giving you every piece of me.”
And maybe this song is about a girl bored with her romantic relationship. She puts her all into the relationship and the guy always comes up short. The effort just really takes a toll on her and she finally realizes that she’s bored. She’s bored with the idea of the two of them together, because he really doesn’t matter. She should be adored instead of ignored. And all of her time and effort spent on him is just not worth it anymore.
Then of course this song perfectly brings Hannah’s thoughts to a close observation from 13 Reasons Why. All of the stress and harassment that she received from the kids at her school just made her bored. She became bored with her own life, because they were a part of it. Bored with having to continue the routine of going to school and trying to feel excited about something and to have a bunch of bullies snatch it away from her. It’s very sad and heartbreaking to watch and Billie just gives Hannah ANOTHER voice beyond the grave to try to understand her emotions. I don’t agree with Hannah ending her own life, but if you asked me if I’ve ever felt a similar way – I would be lying if I said that being a teen was smooth sailing. During that time, the world is just so small with the hallways and the classrooms. It seems like anything else beyond those four years are light-years away or impossible to achieve.
I am grateful everyday that I made it out and that I got the chance to meet my baby brother who was born during my sophomore year. Freshman year took a toll on me and there were moments where I wished it all would fade to black. I’m just glad that a bigger presence out there beyond this world allowed me to hold on and wait for the good part. Wait for the spark. Wait for the worthiness of life.
This song just brings it all to the surface. And for anyone who is struggling with depression or harassment in school and even outside of school, please keep in mind that life is rich and those that try to taint the way you journey through it are insignificant. They are merely pebbles that you have to kick away from you so that you can clear your path.
Take a deep breath and take it all in and please don’t be bored with life and find something that truly makes you excited to wake up everyday. Give this song a listen and really take it all in. Peace and love to all of you!
‘Til next time.
To keep up with tradition, I thought I’d post a little something for my favorite Halloween music. Cat Power’s cover of Michael Hurley’s “The Werewolf” has definitely been one of my favorite tunes this October. Hurley’s original track is just as haunting and transcendent. It gives me absolute chills, which is perfect for this Halloween season.
I don’t know about you guys, but this October has been really stressful. Honestly, I feel like I haven’t been able to catch my breath. I’ve just been pushing through, and trying to smile and mask it all. It’s been a heck of a month and I cannot wait until November. Halloween has never been one of my favorite holidays as I feel like it’s the time for childish and outlandish behavior, which gives permission to people to not act like themselves. I didn’t go into October thinking, ‘oh, I’m going to be someone different!’ It kind of snuck up on me and I involuntarily felt like someone else all month long.
Being in disguise kind of takes a toll on you for an entire month. Looking into the mirror and not recognizing the eyes staring back at you is frustrating and kind of heartbreaking because I’ve just been trying to find my way back to myself. Feeling trapped while someone else reaches the surface is surely a recipe for stress and depression.
With all of that said, Cat Power’s “Werewolf” has been a familiar and uncanny anchor for me to feel like myself. Her voice just always clears my view through all of the fog. It’s like I can hear her energy and it jolts me back into reality. There’s a glimmer of myself that I can catch, even if it only last a few minutes. Also, a song about being a werewolf is just another snippet of relatability. Having to transform into something unfamiliar and untameable to wake up not remembering who you were for a moment of time? Yeah, I copy that loud and clear.
I wish I could say Happy Halloween…but to sign off on a positive note, Happy end of October!
Check out my first Halloween playlist.
“Get up, you get up, get up!”
This song is very emotional for me.
Every day I try to block my thoughts about how lonely I really feel. I keep pushing myself towards goals that I only set for myself and setting obstacles that only I believe will get me to these goals. It’s tiring. It’s exhilarating. It’s also just a way for me to stall. I’m stalling myself from living fruitfully and honestly.
If I had it my way, I’d be living in a whimsical little town where I’d shop at a farmers market and I’d write about everything that made me happy. I would KNOW what made me happy. I would meet people that shared my views and we would have fulfilling conversations in coffee shops. I would travel to see music artists that made time stop and I’d feel like I was on top of the world. Artists like Patrick Watson.
I wouldn’t live in fear. And not just fear of the unknown or outside forces, but also fear of myself. Guys, I’m honestly afraid to live my life the way that I truly want it to be. And it’s not entirely about failure. It’s not about me not being strong enough to pursue my dreams. It’s how I go about them. I give myself these little limitations to keep myself in check. I like having some kind of control over myself, which means that I allow others to have control over me as well. That way, I’m not truly free to get myself into situations that may be hard. But honestly, living means that you face all that life has to throw at you and you can’t always come out on top. You have to be unafraid to step out there and soar as high as you can. There may not be a perfect calculation or formula to how you get to achieve your dreams. It may be messy. It may be a little unpredictable.
I put myself in a stronghold to feel some kind of security. I honestly don’t know what it is, but I’m afraid of something. Maybe it’s failure. Maybe it’s loneliness. Maybe it’s just me.
Anyway, the point of this is that this song tends to bring out these emotions and these thoughts. My entire life, I’ve felt like I’ve just been so lost. I’ve been moving in circles or moving in misdirections trying to get to some mirage. I’d think that I’ve found my destination, but it’ll move further and further away from me the more steps that I took towards it. I push people away and I stick close to people that are poisonous to my mind and spirit. Sometimes that means family.
I also push people away or keep them at an arm’s length. But I also stick close to people that are poisonous to my mind and spirit. I don’t have a real idea of what love is or what it feels like to be in love. I also don’t know if it’s a necessity of life, but I feel like it should be. I think I’d be ok with looking up and seeing someone from across the room that made everything feel right. That made it all seem beautiful. And I’d equally make them feel the same way. When it comes to that sort of thing, love or romance, I become something of a droid. Thinking that if I say this or if I behave exactly like that – it’ll be correct. It’ll be the way to show exactly how I feel. But no. It’ll just make me look and sound like someone else.
Songs like these are what open my mind to all the beauty in the world. I forget sometimes that the world doesn’t revolve around me and I am a part of something huge. Something that my mind can’t fathom. But while I’m here on earth, I should try to let joy in. I should try to give myself a little breathing room and not bully myself. I should be more open and be more myself. I should just be.
Basically, this song is truly a love song for robots.
‘Til next time.
I first started listening to Cat Power my freshman year of college. I don’t even remember where I first heard her, but I can bet it was from Pandora. No, I take that back. It was from Bones. Brennan was listening to The Greatest and I grasped so hard to the song that I continued on to play it just about everyday while in college. It just holds so much meaning and opens up my mind and pretty much wakes me up. It’s ironic, because Cat’s voice is very raspy and she generally sings in a whispery sort of fashion. So, for this song to wake me up means that I drop everything, clear my mind, and focus.
It’s just a beautiful track. “Once, I wanted to be The Greatest.” What does it mean to be the greatest? What does it mean to be all that you are and above all that you are? It takes a lot of courage to surpass your own strength and rise up. Be brave. Challenge yourself. Then, as a woman, this song really throws that feminist punch. “No wind or waterfall can stall me.” It’s easy to lose focus and dwell on feelings and emotions from those around you. Even romantic ones. And I’ll open up a little right now and say that not so long ago I almost let myself fall hard for someone and change all of my plans based on whether or not that someone would finally realize that I was pining for him.
And, I won’t punish myself for this moment of weakness. I allowed myself to feel and open up, but at the same time it just wasn’t something worth what I was willing to give up. Fortunately, I have moved on and gotten my head back on with my eyes peering forward. Romance is nice, but you have to truly and wholly love yourself and what you’re doing first. Be completely happy with who you are and all that you have accomplished before you share that love with someone else. At the time, my mind was too clouded and I wasn’t happy with my personal journey. I just wasn’t finished with my plans and I wasn’t focused enough. Diving into something like a relationship could have ruined me.
Anyway, this song always just drives home that feeling of being in control. Yes, I am allowed to be emotional. To be strong. To be selfish. To be happy. To be focused. I am allowed to be the greatest…compared to others and compared to myself. I am allowed to rise up.
There are just certain musical artists that speak to me. Ryan Adams, Coldplay, Radiohead (Thom Yorke), and Cat Power. It’s like, Ke’ara, shut off everything around you and listen. Focus. I’ve read a lot about Cat Power’s personal journey in the music biz, and some of it is heartbreaking and most of it is encouraging and inspiring. She’s gone through a lot and has had some breakdowns on stage and she’s had some blossoming moments of pure beauty.
Because live music shouldn’t be this brief, mindless, performance in front of strangers. It should be a moment to feel every once of emotion that you put into the music. It’s your song. It’s your story. It’s your soul. And sometimes it’s not pretty. It’s not perfect. It’s not some robotic, straightforward, constructed thing. It’s bits and pieces of all sorts of rushes of feelings. And it should show. It should reach out and smack those in the audience. It should make them feel… you.
Cat Power does that and I think with this entertainment industry, her truths and raw emotion just doesn’t get read or understood the way it should. Because those people just aren’t prepared for it or on that same wavelength. There are just too many facades in the entertainment industry, and Cat Power is basically one in the handful of artists who are just beyond those standards. Way beyond. She’s one of the greatest.
‘Til next time.